Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are rooted in clear communication. People with solid boundaries tend to have lower levels of stress and higher self-esteem because they prioritize their well-being.
People without boundaries can be easily persuaded into things they don’t want to do because they may be acting out of guilt or obligation rather than self-love.
What Are Healthy Boundaries?
Healthy boundaries are the limits you place around your time, emotions, body, and mental health to stay resilient, solid, and content with who you are. These empowering borders protect you from being used, drained, or manipulated by others.
You can set boundaries around:
Emotional energy
Time
Personal space
Sexuality
Morals and ethics
Material possessions and finances
Social media
Boundaries can be set with:
Family
Friends
Romantic relationships
Coworkers
Strangers
Though they aren’t as blatantly clear as a fence, wall, or “no trespassing” sign, healthy boundaries communicate to others what you will and will not tolerate. In short, boundaries empower you to take charge of your life.
Why Do You Need Boundaries?
Without them, people can quickly lose themselves in their work, relationships, familial obligations, or service to others. They can even wind up being exploited or taken advantage of by people who do not respect them.
Good boundaries free you to live life on your terms.
An Effective Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries is to ask yourself:
What is causing me unnecessary stress or discomfort?
What do I look forward to each day versus what do I dread?
Who or what gives me energy?
What areas of my life do I feel exhausted by?
What makes me feel safe, supported, and valued?
Examples- Boundaries that make you feel good and safe;
A daily routine
Words of affirmation from your partner
Hugs from your loved ones
Leaving work stress in the office
Clear communication from your loved ones
Freedom to decide how you spend your free time
Saying “no” to energy vampires
Autonomy over your body
Examples - Boundaries for things that cause discomfort, pain, annoyance, or emotional exhaustion;
Someone telling you what to do with your life
Working after-hours on projects instead of prioritizing your self-care
Worrying about what certain people think about you
People asking to borrow money
Your co-worker constantly dumping her relationship problems on you at lunch
House mates eating your food from the fridge
Your boyfriend/girlfriend controlling who you talk to or hang out with
Strange people at the bar touching you without asking
Acquaintances asking deep or intimate questions about your life
Look at how you can define a boundary that will prevent or eliminate those issues in the future.
Openly Communicate Your Boundaries
One of the biggest mistakes people make is setting boundaries in their minds but not openly sharing them with the people in their life.
Sometimes people assume that you should know their boundaries. But if they didn’t clearly communicate where they’ve drawn the line, how will you know when it’s be overstepped?
This can seem daunting and scary, but it can feel like a significant relief once you get it out of the way. Once you know your boundaries, you have to communicate them.
Take a breath, gather your resolve, and assertively express your needs in a kind, direct way.
WHAT CAN BE SAID TO CLEARLY COMMUNICATE BOUNDARIES
Time Boundary “I can only stay for an hour” or “If you’re going to be late, please let me know beforehand”
Energy Boundary “I’m unable to help you with [this request] right now, but maybe [offers solution] can help.”
Emotional Dumping “I want to be supportive but I’m unable to do that right now.”
Personal Space Boundary “It makes me feel uncomfortable when you [touch or action].
Conversational Boundary “This is not a topic I’m willing to discuss right now.”
Comment Boundary “I don’t find those types of comments funny.”
Mental Boundary “I respect your opinion, but please don’t force it on me.”
Material Boundary “Could you ask me first before borrowing my [possession] please” or “I would appreciate it if you didn’t touch my [material thing].”
Social Media Boundary. “I don’t feel comfortable with you posting that on Instagram.”
Fortunately, once someone is aware of your boundaries, most people will respect them and apologize if they accidentally cross the line.
Without clear communication, the lines become blurred. You can quickly find yourself crossing into the more dangerous territory of getting burned out, taken advantage of, or even neglecting your own needs.
The more precise and direct you can communicate your boundaries, the easier it will be to uphold them.
